Now I know that some of you would think that nothing heals the pain of a break-up like the distraction of a new relationship. While this is true, there is a great deal of merit in healing the heart first, so a person isn’t in a low place emotionally. I’m a firm believer that a person will attract the kind of partner who mirrors where they are emotionally, so if you are full of life and love, you’ll have a better chance of attracting someone like that into your life if you are also full of life and love. I’m not too big on the opposites (emotional maturity) attract thing… having done that before, and finding it not all that good for growing together.
One of the ladies commented that she used to usually always look for the ring finger but if she was interested, nothing ever stopped her from just asking, “Are you married?” Other ladies would use the time tested question during conversation, “What does your wife think about that?” to try to weed out information if the “ring finger” is naked.
Then there was the question of the ring on the ring finger that wasn’t clearly a wedding band. I’ve know married women who had unconventional “wedding rings” or “engagement rings.” One of my friends loved sapphire rings, so when her husband bought her one for their wedding anniversary, she started wearing it in place of her wedding ring. Since his income had gone up considerable from the time they were engaged, the ring reflected that and he was more than happy to give her an upgrade. Another gal I know got engaged without the big diamond rock, and instead opted for a beautiful gemstone reflecting both her and her fiance’s shared birth month.
Now back to the “keep away ring.” Once I was at the Dressing Room, a clothing store in Lincoln Avenue, when a discussion about Keep Away Rings ensued right there at the checkout area. There were several ladies who wore them, usually when they went out with their girlfriends to bars and did not want a guy to bother them since they weren’t looking to meet anyone, especially those girls with boyfriends.
This brings us back to the question of interpreting that ring on the ring finger that is not a traditional wedding or engagement ring. The responses here were all over the map. Being a consumer behavior marketing person, I grouped the responses in three categories:
Jaded
This group believed that anything that wasn’t a traditional wedding band was meaningless, and never assume anything because a lot of married people don’t wear rings. With this group, it’s all about doing reconnaissance to find out marital status, no matter what the guy tells you. This group has clearly been burned in the past. Maybe this was from too much internet dating?
Anything Goes
This group didn’t care if it looked like a wedding ring, with this group, all bets were off. The common theme here was, “go ask her or him out!” A related theme here was that if you needed to do reconnaissance, start off the conversation with, “What an interesting wedding band” if you wanted to make sure the person was available. Still another person pointed out that even a wedding band does not signal availability, only “marital status.” Perhaps, or not. I’ve known widows and widowers who wore their wedding bands while in mourning.
Old School
This group transcended age and subcultures. It was really a mind set. The respondents here viewed a ring on the left hand ring finger as a statement of commitment that should be respected. Perhaps the classic response was this one: “If there’s a ring, I assume she’s seeing someone, regardless of what it looks like. Women don’t mess around with that stuff.” I guess I’m “old school” too.
In my world, I wear a beautiful tanzanite ring that Mr. Novio bought for me on my birthday the first year we are together. (And no, it is not the one in this photo). Because I often wear two rings (both of which he bought me), the tanzanite one ends up on my left hand, because for me, the ring symbolizes our connection and love. So for me, I wear my ring on the ring finger in that spirit, and I think of him every time I put it on.
